We have this little ritual in my core group, which for those of you who aren't familiar with the core group concept, is a small group of teens, who along with a couple of adult leaders, meet weekly to share their walk with God, among other less serious things. We always start off our meetings with our "happies and crappies" for the week after our social time has ended. The kids like it, and their stories range from horrible tests, to worries about friends and family, and sometimes it goes even deeper than that. Every week as Wednesday rolls around I consider what I'm going to share when it's my turn, which lately, has been a whole lot of "crappy" with very little "happy".
I am in a funk, it's been coming on for a while, but it's evolving into a state where I'm considering hiring an industrial strength tow truck to haul me out. There's no shortage of reasons for this mood of mine, honestly 2010 has dished out more than her share of hurts to me and mine, and I've had about all that I can take, which leads me to this week's "happy and crappy" evaluation.
I was running it through my mind as I prepared our lesson for the week, and started feeling really guilty. Guilty about my mood, for my low tolerance for frustration, for my lack of "get up and go". I mean, what kind of good Christian struggles like this? And that's when I heard the little voice in my head, (the one that keeps me on track and reminds me of what is *actually* true), say "Rebecca, you are as I made you. I'm not looking for "good" Christians, I'm looking for "real" ones." Huh. Well, that made me stop and think.
And what did I learn from this "conversation" you ask? Well, I think the real value in sharing a Christian walk with someone is not in seeing how well they handle the good times, but how they deal with all the "crappies". We all can be happy and faithful to God when things are going well, but how many of us continue to give thanks and praise and wait patiently when things, to put it bluntly, really stink? That's the real lesson in Christianity, continuing to put one foot in front of the other while keeping faith that things, while not great right now, are being done for His glory and in His perfect timing.
So, I will continue to soldier on and try to wait faithfully for some resolution to the problems and hurts I'm facing, and in it all I will look around me with hope and expectation of seeing His work and His blessings even when they look very small in comparison. And I will take comfort in the knowledge that, in all of this, while I'm not the "best" Christian, I remain very real.
