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Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Identity Theft
Every day it seems like there is an article about identity theft, what it is, how pervasive it is, how to avoid it etc. What they don't always mention is that parents can be the biggest perpetrator of it. In our youth ministry we've been talking a lot about helping the kids find their identity in God. It's a difficult concept even for adults, since we live in a society ready made to label and define us within a worldly context, which is very different from who we *really* are as created by God.
I wish I could say that as a mother I was a completely intentional parent, but in truth this post will probably read more as a "do as I say, not as I do" type of thing. It's much easier with my core group kids to keep perspective and look beneath all the labels their teachers, friends, and yes, even parents give them. With my own I tend to fall victim to my ideas of who my kids are, rather than to see them as God created them. I'm too close, I see them too often as a part of my own worldly identity.
My youngest, Chloe is a perfect example. She is simultaneously my easiest, and most difficult child. Easiest because she is so flexible and accepting, and difficult because she is also disorganized, inattentive and fairly impulsive. On the surface, as I judge her with human eyes I see her as irresponsible, unable to pay attention, and careless. But what God sees is completely different. By His measure she is loving, tolerant, and nonjudgmental, and she never sweats the small stuff. She sees the good in every situation and in every person.
The challenge as her parent is to hold her accountable for any misdeeds, while treasuring the person God created her to be. And that is very, very hard in a world that views successful parenting as producing well paid, college graduates. Those are of course good things, but isn't it a bigger blessing to raise a child who knows and loves Jesus and through Him cares for others? In the larger picture, what is *really* most important?
Psalm 139 states "You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb . You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." That passage speaks of a knowledge and devotion greater than anything humanly possible. And, if God has taken that much care in our creation and that of our children, don't we owe it to them to invest in that? To try and see what God saw as He so perfectly formed them and us?
In this way we can see that shyness becomes gentleness, stubbornness is viewed as determination, a gullible child is seen as trusting, a wary child discerning. It's all in your perspective, a perspective that I am finally starting to get. This reminds me of a common phrase people use about child rearing. It states that children don't come with instruction manuals. But really, maybe they do. We just don't take the time to read them. Perhaps we need to take the time to reassess our children's gifts and resist the temptation to label our children as we view them, to keep us from committing our own version of identity theft.
I wish I could say that as a mother I was a completely intentional parent, but in truth this post will probably read more as a "do as I say, not as I do" type of thing. It's much easier with my core group kids to keep perspective and look beneath all the labels their teachers, friends, and yes, even parents give them. With my own I tend to fall victim to my ideas of who my kids are, rather than to see them as God created them. I'm too close, I see them too often as a part of my own worldly identity.
My youngest, Chloe is a perfect example. She is simultaneously my easiest, and most difficult child. Easiest because she is so flexible and accepting, and difficult because she is also disorganized, inattentive and fairly impulsive. On the surface, as I judge her with human eyes I see her as irresponsible, unable to pay attention, and careless. But what God sees is completely different. By His measure she is loving, tolerant, and nonjudgmental, and she never sweats the small stuff. She sees the good in every situation and in every person.
The challenge as her parent is to hold her accountable for any misdeeds, while treasuring the person God created her to be. And that is very, very hard in a world that views successful parenting as producing well paid, college graduates. Those are of course good things, but isn't it a bigger blessing to raise a child who knows and loves Jesus and through Him cares for others? In the larger picture, what is *really* most important?
Psalm 139 states "You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb . You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." That passage speaks of a knowledge and devotion greater than anything humanly possible. And, if God has taken that much care in our creation and that of our children, don't we owe it to them to invest in that? To try and see what God saw as He so perfectly formed them and us?
In this way we can see that shyness becomes gentleness, stubbornness is viewed as determination, a gullible child is seen as trusting, a wary child discerning. It's all in your perspective, a perspective that I am finally starting to get. This reminds me of a common phrase people use about child rearing. It states that children don't come with instruction manuals. But really, maybe they do. We just don't take the time to read them. Perhaps we need to take the time to reassess our children's gifts and resist the temptation to label our children as we view them, to keep us from committing our own version of identity theft.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What you *show* your children is more important than what you tell them.
I am so blessed. Why, you ask? Because I have enjoyed 23 years of not wedded bliss. Yep, you heard that right, and no, I'm not saying that I'm *unhappily* married. I just think that it would be lying to imply that we've been blissful for the entire 23 years. As a matter of fact it's been a lot of work, sometimes it seemed like more work than it was worth, which also is a lie. Marriage is *never* more work than it's worth.
The blessing that I referenced has trickled down to more than just me. Our marriage has been an incredible gift to our children, who, as point of fact, would not even be here without said marriage. It's been a boon to my children not just because Andre is a good father, or good provider, but because he's such a good husband.
You see, a child's best example for a future partner and relationship is modeled by their parents. It doesn't matter what you *tell* them to look for, or to do, it matters what the two of you *show* them. And, you don't need to have a perfect marriage to be a good example. Sometimes displaying tenacity and loving commitment in the midst of tension and anxiety is even more valuable than being lovey dovey when things are going well. It's important for them to witness that love is more often a choice than a feeling. Trust me, our kids get far too many examples of how to cut and run when things are bad, and believe me, children are intuitive, they know when things are bad.
Which brings me back to my family, and my marriage, which is thankfully, blessedly sound. We've had some rocky times in our 23 years together, but it has only served to remind us what is really worth fighting for. Because the reality is, if you want to nurture your children, you must first nurture your marriage.
The blessing that I referenced has trickled down to more than just me. Our marriage has been an incredible gift to our children, who, as point of fact, would not even be here without said marriage. It's been a boon to my children not just because Andre is a good father, or good provider, but because he's such a good husband.
You see, a child's best example for a future partner and relationship is modeled by their parents. It doesn't matter what you *tell* them to look for, or to do, it matters what the two of you *show* them. And, you don't need to have a perfect marriage to be a good example. Sometimes displaying tenacity and loving commitment in the midst of tension and anxiety is even more valuable than being lovey dovey when things are going well. It's important for them to witness that love is more often a choice than a feeling. Trust me, our kids get far too many examples of how to cut and run when things are bad, and believe me, children are intuitive, they know when things are bad.
Which brings me back to my family, and my marriage, which is thankfully, blessedly sound. We've had some rocky times in our 23 years together, but it has only served to remind us what is really worth fighting for. Because the reality is, if you want to nurture your children, you must first nurture your marriage.
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