My blog has been kind of quiet lately, I'm guessing that's in part due to a break that my "Boundaries" study group has taken over the last few weeks. Those women just have an unbelievably, gentle way of dragging me kicking and screaming to the truth. The clarity that comes out of these study times sometimes astounds me. Today was one of those days.
We started off talking about one member's daughter who has gone off to college. Academically she's got it all together, her spiritual life however is proving to be a bigger challenge, at least that's what her mom is worried about. We sat and listened and let her talk it out, and then we all agreed that in the end, it's just hard letting them go and potentially fall victim to the very things we worked so hard, for so many years protecting them from.
I said "it's hard to be a parent and be solely responsible for someone". And that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks, which is an odd euphemism for hearing God break in and speak to you, but in all honesty my guess is, that due to a general lack of perception on my part, bricks are what He's left with in order to garner my attention. The truth is, that no one loves your child the way God does, no one *knows* your child like God does, and certainly no one has a bigger investment in their success than He does.
You'd have thought it was a lesson I had already learned with one of my own. In second grade Chloe had a horrible, horrible year. To begin with she was struggling with a lack of focus, and compounding that problem was a classroom setting worthy of a horror movie. An incredibly disturbed child continually acted out violently, finally necessitating a code word for classroom evacuation. At the end of the year, many people encouraged me to write letters requesting specific teachers, or classroom settings, which I will admit I was tempted to do. In the end though, I decided to test God, took a leap of faith, and just gave the whole situation over to Him, with the understanding that no one had more insight about what Chloe needed than He did. The results could not have been better. In every way 3rd grade was a success, and I learned my first real lesson in intentional prayer, and entrusting my children to God.
I'd love to tell you how consistent I am with that faith, but we all know how untrue that would be. Realistically it's a process, one of God raising my husband and me while we, along with Him, raise our children. In the give and take of every day life we have to remind ourselves daily of His promise to walk alongside us in partnership as we uncover the mysteries of His wonderful gifts that are our children.
Maybe you're skeptical, a control freak, or just really don't believe it. If so, I have a challenge for you. The next time you're faced with a particularly difficult parenting decision, take a moment and ask the One who uniquely knit that child in your womb *His* perspective, and I promise parenting will never be the same again.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Adventures in swim suit buying. (An oldie but goodie)
Well, as you know, I have an exotic trip coming up and need a bathing suit. So I see this beautiful orange wrap style "slimsuit" in a catalog with a matching pareo and I just *know* it's going to look great on me. I envision Andre and I walking hand in hand on this white sand beach with me looking stunning in my glamorous suit. Fast forward to yesterday when it finally arrived. My first inclination of trouble should have been when I felt the fabric. I mean, this is like high grade rubber, Chloe could use it for a trampoline! Well, I think, it's a tummy control panel and I continued to try it on.
The darn thing actually comes with instructions! "Step one: inch the slimsuit on slowly as you would a pair of pantyhose." Check. "Step two: position underwire under breasts." Well, it's more like: lift sagging boobs above underwire, but OK, check. "Step three: VERY carefully pull straps up taking care as to not accidentally unfasten said straps which could literally slingshot around and do permanent eye damage." (OK, so I added the part about the slingshot, you get the picture). Check. "Step four: stand back and admire. Slimsuit will take at least one inch off your waist and hips." Check. I mean it really DOES take off an inch and looks great, until I look at the view from the rear. OMG, it has taken an inch of fat off and PUSHED it up where no fat should be. I mean, now I have a hump the size of Mt. Everest! I look like Quasimoto! But, never fear, I have yet to wrap the gorgeous pareo around my now cinched waist. Surely that will distract from the obvious lump displayed on my upper back. BTW, how the heck do you tie those things anyway? OK, check, it's tied, but now I realize that I just look like a camel in an orange rubber tube with a rag tied around my waist. So, now the question remains: Do I need to visit the tanning booth before my trip if I'm going to wear a full length robe on the beach???
The darn thing actually comes with instructions! "Step one: inch the slimsuit on slowly as you would a pair of pantyhose." Check. "Step two: position underwire under breasts." Well, it's more like: lift sagging boobs above underwire, but OK, check. "Step three: VERY carefully pull straps up taking care as to not accidentally unfasten said straps which could literally slingshot around and do permanent eye damage." (OK, so I added the part about the slingshot, you get the picture). Check. "Step four: stand back and admire. Slimsuit will take at least one inch off your waist and hips." Check. I mean it really DOES take off an inch and looks great, until I look at the view from the rear. OMG, it has taken an inch of fat off and PUSHED it up where no fat should be. I mean, now I have a hump the size of Mt. Everest! I look like Quasimoto! But, never fear, I have yet to wrap the gorgeous pareo around my now cinched waist. Surely that will distract from the obvious lump displayed on my upper back. BTW, how the heck do you tie those things anyway? OK, check, it's tied, but now I realize that I just look like a camel in an orange rubber tube with a rag tied around my waist. So, now the question remains: Do I need to visit the tanning booth before my trip if I'm going to wear a full length robe on the beach???
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
In life you can't always get the upper locker
I did the first round of registration at middle school for my youngest child today. It was bittersweet; I can't believe my "baby" is almost 12, well honestly that's easier to swallow than having my oldest be almost 21, or turning 45 next month, but I digress.
It's an exciting and nerve wracking time entering middle school to be sure, so I wasn't completely surprised at the range of emotions the kids displayed today. I *was* shocked though at some of the parental responses to those emotions. One child, when assigned a lower locker, burst into tears. The upper lockers are always coveted because people tend to drop things, sometimes heavy things on those with lower lockers. I get the disappointment, but crying? Really?
Back in the day, if that had happened a parent would have said "it's ok, it's not that bad, you'll get used to it" and let it go. Nowadays the first thing a parent would do is march over and demand another locker to "fix it", so that their child would be happy. Because that's what matters now, that their children always be happy and never, ever be disappointed.
The sad thing is, what does that teach them, other than that they're entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it? That all they need to do is throw a hissy fit until they get their way? And, it's not just about gaining material things.
We have an entire generation of people who have lost the ability to learn from their adversities. And there is much to be learned. Appreciation, grace, dignity, and humility are just a few of the skills that come to mind. Being able to handle a fiasco with tact and finesse is a lost art, as anyone who has entered an airport recently can attest to. Instead, we're faced with an army of angry, demanding, unyielding people. Where does that leave us?
There's certainly nothing wrong with striving for a particular thing, or outcome. Just like there is nothing wrong with being sad when it doesn't work out. The gift is in the lesson learned in the meantime. As Mick Jagger said "You can't always get what you want. You can try sometimes, and you just might find you get what you need". And, in the end, isn't that what we *really* want for our kids, that they find what they need?
It's an exciting and nerve wracking time entering middle school to be sure, so I wasn't completely surprised at the range of emotions the kids displayed today. I *was* shocked though at some of the parental responses to those emotions. One child, when assigned a lower locker, burst into tears. The upper lockers are always coveted because people tend to drop things, sometimes heavy things on those with lower lockers. I get the disappointment, but crying? Really?
Back in the day, if that had happened a parent would have said "it's ok, it's not that bad, you'll get used to it" and let it go. Nowadays the first thing a parent would do is march over and demand another locker to "fix it", so that their child would be happy. Because that's what matters now, that their children always be happy and never, ever be disappointed.
The sad thing is, what does that teach them, other than that they're entitled to whatever they want, whenever they want it? That all they need to do is throw a hissy fit until they get their way? And, it's not just about gaining material things.
We have an entire generation of people who have lost the ability to learn from their adversities. And there is much to be learned. Appreciation, grace, dignity, and humility are just a few of the skills that come to mind. Being able to handle a fiasco with tact and finesse is a lost art, as anyone who has entered an airport recently can attest to. Instead, we're faced with an army of angry, demanding, unyielding people. Where does that leave us?
There's certainly nothing wrong with striving for a particular thing, or outcome. Just like there is nothing wrong with being sad when it doesn't work out. The gift is in the lesson learned in the meantime. As Mick Jagger said "You can't always get what you want. You can try sometimes, and you just might find you get what you need". And, in the end, isn't that what we *really* want for our kids, that they find what they need?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Reality Check
Last week my daughter and I watched (or should I say, were shocked and couldn't look away from) the reality show "Jerseylicious". For those of you who have not seen the show (and it definitely is a "show"), and feel the need to delve into the seedier part of life, you can tune in and experience it for yourselves. My blog is not about the show per se, although it, and pretty much every other minute of reality television could certainly provide a ton of writing material. It's really about one of the story lines this week that revolved around an interesting practice apparently popular in New Jersey called "Trash the Dress". The premise being that you don your wedding dress (post wedding of course) and literally "trash" your dress while being photographed. I must admit the idea was completely foreign and bizarre to me. Who would spend all that money on a dress only to purposely destroy it? And then I realized my larger concern, *everything* in our society is disposable.
Clearly the ability to have disposable, single use items such as diapers, razors and soda cans is a huge convenience. But, the term "disposable" has so invaded our vocabularies that it's attached to all manner of things from plates and cameras to incomes. The problem, in my opinion, is that too many individuals seem to treat their entire lives like paper napkins,to use and toss. This approach is applied to everything from material possessions to marriages. Nothing is cherished, or deemed important enough to really work at or salvage. Sick of your cell phone? Buy a new one. Not satisfied with your job? Find another. Marriage hit a rough spot? No problem, there's no fault divorce.
When did we sink so low as to rate our relationships like our toys, to be tossed aside at the first sign of frustration, boredom, or inconvenience? In our zeal to take advantage of our multitudes of blessings we have failed to appreciate the biggest ones of all, each other. The definition of disposable is "expendable", and "unnecessary". Really? Is that what people are now? Are our friendships, families, marriages and even pregnancies so unimportant, so easily replaced that they can be thrown away so readily?
I hope not, I pray not, because in my experience there is nothing so valuable, so irreplaceable as people. The only things we should be tossing are the things taking the place of what's really important.
Clearly the ability to have disposable, single use items such as diapers, razors and soda cans is a huge convenience. But, the term "disposable" has so invaded our vocabularies that it's attached to all manner of things from plates and cameras to incomes. The problem, in my opinion, is that too many individuals seem to treat their entire lives like paper napkins,to use and toss. This approach is applied to everything from material possessions to marriages. Nothing is cherished, or deemed important enough to really work at or salvage. Sick of your cell phone? Buy a new one. Not satisfied with your job? Find another. Marriage hit a rough spot? No problem, there's no fault divorce.
When did we sink so low as to rate our relationships like our toys, to be tossed aside at the first sign of frustration, boredom, or inconvenience? In our zeal to take advantage of our multitudes of blessings we have failed to appreciate the biggest ones of all, each other. The definition of disposable is "expendable", and "unnecessary". Really? Is that what people are now? Are our friendships, families, marriages and even pregnancies so unimportant, so easily replaced that they can be thrown away so readily?
I hope not, I pray not, because in my experience there is nothing so valuable, so irreplaceable as people. The only things we should be tossing are the things taking the place of what's really important.
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